Puzzle Cartographer: Apologia

"Interesting, but like most art that is produced in the world, these hypertext creations seemed to be much more engaging to create than to consume."

-Reif Larsen

"The best thing about the book, frankly, is the gold-embossed cover, which the above image really doesn’t convey.”

-the Comics Reporter regarding "The Future"

I've been trying not to draw "my character" lately.  It's gotten too easy.  I wanted to get away from representationalism styled in cartoony ways probably because I'm sick of comics.  But I commisioned myself today to make this drawing:

As Emerson said:

"a.f.c.i.t.h.o.l.m."

I don't think it's fruitful to place too much emphasis on purity when making art.

Being an artist, for me, is this complex, gooey mess.

I'm not sure I, as a reader, would be very interested in the art I'm making if I hadn't been the one who made it.  But I don't think that matters.  Much more than half of the urge to make comics is the thrill of doing something that I, in the moment, think is cool.  Unexpectedly succeeding in particular, is exciting and can give me a tremendous rush that carries throughout my day.  Being on the precipice where something seems fucked and suddenly, in one instant, either by conscious decision or lucky accident, it all comes together.  The struggle and the payoff.  That kind of desire mechanism is what drives all of us biologically, buddhas notwithstanding.

The other part is showing your work and getting a reaction and having that inform the next thing you make in some way, participating in the ongoing aesthetic debates and arguments about fine points.  It doesn't have to be strategic, mostly it's unconscious.

For several years I drew comics (Jessica, Exploding Head Man) and showed them to nobody other than my friends (who were mostly uninterested/unimpressed).  I'm not sure whether I'm better off now or not, but at least I'm still making art and still excited (though occasionally conflicted) about that.

There are too many things going into the soup of what motivates me to unpack it or divine the purity of my impulses, and, yes, cultural capital does motivate me - $$$$ doesn't really, but that's what aesthetics are, right - discerning cool and reacting to it?

But I suck at it.  I decided not to do any more tabling (who cares, I know) because it seems like a waste of money and time.  And I've been made a couple pdf comics really quickly lately that, though they aren't the best, most thought-out work I've done, make me want to quit printing minis altogether.

I don't know where I fit, but it's too much of a pain in the ass to connect with the irl scene so I'll just continue to make a bunch of shit and post all of it online to satisfy my craving to be seen.